Monday, July 12, 2021

People watching at Starbucks

 

She is a college woman watching her laptop intently outside. She has on big white bluetooth headphones and a sweater with a Sundevil on the front. Her emotions continue to change while watching her laptop. She has big round glasses on, so I can't see her eyes properly, but they are definitely intent on the screen. Her laptop has been around for some time. It is filled with stickers with little to no organization. Their sole purpose was to cover the top of the laptop and make it hers. It has so many, in fact, I don't know what type of laptop she actually has. It has the most personality of all the laptops here. She's pulled an additional table next to her, and she has two notebooks sprawled out with a pen atop of them. She seems like someone I could be friends with... But bothering someone watching a video with big white bluetooth headphones would be rude, wouldn't it? I'm going to call her Jenny.

To the right of Jenny, also sitting outside, is a couple. Or a couple of friends... OR an interviewer of some kind. The woman is wearing a red blazer and dark sunglasses, despite being under a covered seating. They don't have laptops, but lady in red does have a pen and a notebook with her cell close by. The gentleman across from her is wearing a blue polo and khaki pants. Upon first observation, I thought they were the same age as Jenny, but they might be considerably older. To be honest, its difficult to tell. They aren't a romantic couple, I don't think, cause there is very little flirtatious-ness. Blue polo guy turned his head, he has quite some 5 o'clock shadow. His drink is almost empty, and hers is pretty close to full. I'm not sure what to make of them, but I want to learn more.

To the left of Jenny, and inside the Starbucks, two women just sat down. First impressions is that they are best friends. They are both wearing comfortable gym clothes, they have the same color bags, and even both share the same type of laptop - Acer. They are late 20s probably, and there is very little discussion between the two of them (in person anyway), so my guess is they are just hanging out. Killing time after and/or before the gym.

Behind the Acer twins sits a man who's been here the longest, and probably the most interesting of the bunch. He's an older man, with a long gray beard and full head of graying hair. It's mostly gray, with some brown mixed in. He has glasses. His dress is casual and a bit disheveled, but not dirty. Looks like he's just wearing clothes that weren't folded immediately after a drier run. A peach colored T-shirt and some worn jeans. He has an HP laptop, a model or two newer than mine, and its small enough to where I think it is a touch screen. In fact, I'd put money on it. But he doesn't use it as a touch screen. He is using his wireless mouse and moving quite a bit. My first thought is that he seems to be looking for a job, but that's just me projecting my thoughts onto a disheveled man with a beard. He could just as easily be looking at Facebook.

On the far left of the older man, is a woman younger than me, who looks a bit stressed in a creative way. This lady wears a black sundress, someone looking to be comfortable and look good. Her hair a bit of a mess, she has one big hoop earring in one ear and... hair is covering the other, but I don't think anything is there. No headphones, and she's typing quite a bit, and my first instinct is that she's writing something creatively like myself, but who knows, she might just be doing homework. She's been here longer than me though. So whatever she's doing, she's dedicated, or wanting to get it done before she leaves the ol' SB. The last thing interesting about her, is that she has a hot coffee drink. It's different compared to everyone else here. Everyone else, and I do mean everyone, has a cold beverage.

A little further into the establishment, is a pair of four older businessmen. Brown to graying hair, dress shirts, two have blazers. All laptops open and are having a discussion. It feels like a meeting... And not like, a “startup hipster” meeting. Like they all have a position in a company, and this is how they are starting their day. That's weird to me. A business meeting in the middle of a Starbucks? I guess nothing they are discussing or on their screens is confidential... Not that anyone would care. Still weird. The least dressed between the three gives me a Bill Gates vibe. He still has on a dress shirt and khakis, but his shirt is colorful, he's older and hunched. And his hair is just a bit messier than the others, who are all very proper.

Sundress girl is wearing two earrings.

Along the far wall are two guys sitting at different tall tables. Both have placed their backpacks in front of them, thus choosing their backpacks as their companion for today. Both dressed in V-necks, both with laptops in front of them and both on their phones. That's amusing. They both look a little stressed, and both seem to have empty coffee cups. I'm guessing students, but its just another assumption.

Businessmen just concluded their meeting. Also one of them wore some sharp blue dress pants. I want a pair.

Jenny has a second laptop out now, and is using both pretty skillfully.

Sundress girl has just left.

There is a girl who continues to pass by me, either buying more drinks or getting food from Starbucks (or used the restroom, I wasn't paying attention to her) but she is dressed very... I'm not sure if this is a phrase (but totally should be), Instagram-y? Designer yoga pants, mid-drift sweater, and an Adidas beanie. I'll be honest, I was pretty annoyed with her at the beginning. Wearing winter clothes not designed for winter, a bit too good looking, or pretending to be too good looking, just oozes "I'm better than you." Not only that, but while I'm people watching, and she just gets in my way. She is sitting out of my perception, so I wasn't going to bother with paying her any mind... But... I looked behind me, and she's facing the window, looking out. She's on question 3 of a math quiz. And its math I certainly couldn't do. It's some long crazy formula. Physics maybe? She has a notebook paper and seems to be working through it. She's now on question 4. I'm ashamed for judging a book by its cover again. She's dressed better than me and is doing more difficult math than me and I'm the one judging her? Pft, I'm wearing pants when I go out next... Or at least brushing my hair.

One of the guys who chose a backpack as his companion refilled his coffee. Only it wasn't iced coffee, it was tea. Reddish in color.

The last guy is sitting parallel to me and reminds me most of myself. He has corded headphones, a large, wide laptop (like mine) and is typing away. His laptop is also fairly thick. I can only see it from the side, but it looks a few generations older than my machine. He smiles occasionally, small laughs come through. He's either writing a comedy story (like I do) or is talking to someone. My guess is the latter. He's dressed very casually in faded clothing. Faded black ball cap of a baseball team, faded blue-gray shirt and some faded jeans. His JanSport backpack is also black and faded. It's actually a bit weird (to me) that he doesn't have a laptop backpack, just a backpack. His sweet coffee drink is about two-thirds gone, the whip cream still melting into his drink. His demeanor makes me feel he is approachable. The most open to have a conversation. Despite the ear plugs and the laptop, he just seems happy. I like that in a person.

Old man left Starbucks and left all his stuff... He went into Potbelly sandwich shop. That's a good sandwich shop... He just came back with a cup of water.

Instagram-y girl just left. I certainly hope she did well on her quiz, or lesson. I would have been lost.

Then there is me. My backpack sits on the table next to me, as I have a wider table than most here. My closed books rests next to my laptop and cell phone is open. I'm dressed in green basketball shorts and a white T-shirt. My hair could use a good brushing and I have fuzz on my face (I am unshaven). I'm typing a lot, biting the side of my lip trying to give myself the same amount of observation as everyone else. My iced coffee cup is also empty, with melted ice down at the bottom.

Without speaking to any of them, I feel like I could be any of their friends now. Just observing a bit more, not trying to judge, just watch and enjoy their little mannerisms. Most have left now, with only Jenny and Old man left. I feel like my shift as a customer has also come to a close. Give this table up for the next customer who needs to use it.

Thank you for reading,
Shep

Sunday, February 28, 2021

You're fat, Brandon

 I tell myself and others that I try really hard to be healthy. And it's true, in a sense. I can cook healthily, I enjoy working out. I like watching fitness videos and world strongest man videos. I have a tab saved on my phone with Henry Cavill's diet when bulking up to be Superman. I tell people I try really hard to be healthy, but right now, I realize I am more of a fan of it, than actually trying. Like many things, I look at it, I want to do it, and then I fantasize about it. 

The other night, after some snacking, I weighed myself. Monica and I have been eating more and more at home. I don't drink a lot of soda anymore at all. Very occasional beers and alcohol. My snacks recently have been chocolate covered almonds, regular almonds, jerky, and chips. I really thought that I found a middle ground for dieting. I was wrong.

I weighed 292.5lbs. The heaviest I've ever been. I knew when I looked in the mirror I looked heavier... But I sorta convinced myself it was just because I hadn't been going to my garage gym. I was losing muscle mass, but not gaining fat. 

I weighed myself the next morning, and its in the 280's. I think 288. I plan to weigh myself tomorrow to confirm (gotta get that average.)

The problem with this particular scenario is that I know when I see something like this - when reality hits me like a brick and destroys my mental image of myself, my first instinct is to change everything about my diet, start super hard at the gym and basically beat myself up. The way I do it is I throw a lot at me and just see what sticks. It's not the smartest approach, but slow isn't what I'm going for.

I am doing it again. I looked in the fridge, planning some ridiculous meals, trying to figure out every ounce of minute that can be served at the gym... but this time around I am trying really hard to make sure I keep the reality version of me in my head. I am not Henry Cavill or Eddie Hall. I am not buff or in shape. I want to be. Keeping the phrase "You're fat, Brandon" in my head is negative, but it isn't detrimental. It's realistic. I don't want to be fat. I want to be in shape. 

I took this news pretty hard the other night. I dusted off all the calorie counting apps and started planning right away and was in a pretty bad mood. I was disappointed in myself for not making more of an effort. Monica saw this and comforted me. She loves me, and she loves me no matter how I look. But I had to admit I don't love myself with how I look. I've fantasized that I look buff because my height and because I can tuck in a shirt and can still put on socks without effort. Unless I change something now, though, I'll start with those struggles eventually. 

The reason I am writing this isn't for encouragement or awareness or anything of that sort. I just know that my blog is a decent venting platform, and I wanted to go for it again. 

Other than this reality strike, my life has been fucking great. I just need to get this puzzle piece back into action.