And so it begins...

The healthy me has battled the 21 year old me for quite some time now making the decision to give up beer and soda for a couple of months. I have doubts myself about completing this task, but at the same time I really, really want to lose this gut of mine. Honestly I think soda and the first month without beer will be somewhat easy, it's the second month, the month after a month of no beer with the guys that is gonna be difficult. But I've seen the lack of calorie intake with the dedication of working out can do to a guy. And that's what I plan to do.

Furthermore, I read an article from Lifehacker that offered tips on how to do daily tasks done (such as working out). One idea was to make a physical calendar about the task and marking it with a Big X every day you complete that particular task. You basically make it a game for yourself, an obligation not only to your task but to see how long you can keep your streak of X's going. And I think it'll work too after a little while, I mean if I get through the next two weeks without any beer or soda, and then working out every Mon, Wed, Fri at least, then I'll want to make sure to get that third week, and then the fourth, etc... I plan on posting weekly photos of the X's and potential failures that come along on Facebook, so people judging can be a motivator too. 

My slew of veggies and fruits have become routine and I'm mixing them up a bit now that I got the amounts corrected so it is a shake and not a yogurt. Unfortunately my mangoes went bad before I had the courage to slice and dice them into my new protein shake mix, but I plan to buy more later anyway. And, speaking of protein shake mix...

Here is my non-professional, but totally fair review of this new protein shake mix that I won in a drawing from my friend J-Boom. He is an advocate for Vi-Shape Nutritional Shake and had a presentation that I went to. Now, to get started in this wonderful review, I wanna talk about my buddy Jason "J-Boom" Legaard first. He's a good guy. A Mensch. He has a wonderful heart, takes love in the little things. He really tries to spread what the simple matter of thinking "I can" vs. "I can't" and what it can do for a person. He invited me and Mike Gulyas to a presentation on this new shake that he is in love with and is trying to help promote, At first I was skeptical, after all I already have a protein shake. I tell him beforehand that I'm not gonna buy it at least until my copious amount of protein supplement is gone. He says that's fine to just come and listen. 

Well, I do. And still I was skeptical. The main reason is because I've heard of companies like Vi-Skate before. It isn't in stores from what I recall, and Vi-Ship is only spread by people who both use it and want to sell it. One of those "You can make money by getting other people to sell it" kind of thing. And it's true, the way to make money in it is to not just sell the product, but to get other people to sell the product with you, who in turn want to get others... You get the picture. The only thing really GOOD about the whole idea behind it is that it is a health product. Something that actually benefits and supports health and losing weight and getting in shape. Which, you know, I'm a HUGE support for if you haven't noticed. It's kind of my thing.

(I guess it is also for people who want to get used to speaking in front of people who want their own business. I've never had that trouble of speaking in front of people though.)

So I go in and listen with LOTS of skepticism, again, I already have a protein shake mix that works for me. But I got a free sample and it tasted good. I listen to Jason and he talks about the shake and a bunch of it makes sense. He's lost weight with it while still remaining completely healthy and not doing any additional exercise. He hands out order forms in case I or the other people there want to purchase one of the four products, and even below you can sign up for the presentation package to have parties and get-togethers similar to J's.

Mike, who just started his physical fitness buys one of the orders and it's being shipped to him. I decline an order, and soon after we go into the drawing. It just so happens I won that drawing so I got a free bag of Vi-Slate-Nutritional Shake. So I tell Jason I'll give it a shot over my regular mix. The flavor of this one is a basic "Sweet Cream" over your basic Vanilla, Chocolate, and Strawberry. 

The next morning I get home from work, strut my stuff into the kitchen, and take out the Vi-Lake mix and my fruit, milk, and yogurt. I pour it all into my blender, blend, add some ice, and blend again. I take a drink... And it was delicious. You know that small complaint in my previous post about tasting my protein shake? Yeah, totally not a problem with this one. It just tastes... Well, good, like a nothing but fruit smoothie should taste like.

I read the label again to make sure, it has good vitamins and minerals needed, and continue reading and it has 26grams of protein per scoop. I check my other protein mix and it shows as 27grams. That confirms, to me, that it IS a protein shake mix. I licked my finger and dipped it into my new mix and tried it. Though the aftertaste of  "protein" is there it is far less significant. It still tastes good. This product convinced me by itself. I am SO happy I got this bag for free, because I would have continued with my regular protein batch. Which is tolerable. Not good.

If you are looking into nutritional diets, or increasing your protein intake, you gotta give this a shot. Just because, again, it tastes good and it IS good for you. I've had about 5 or 6 shakes with this mix and every single one of them is good. Tomorrow I think I am just gonna milk and shake mix and mix it with a spoon like I used to do before the blender and see how it goes. That I haven't done yet, but, I tried it plain off my finger and it is far better than my original mix for certain. Also remember I got just the bag. There are other nutritional supplements they also offer to go along with it. You'd have to ask J-Boom about that, but I know for a fact he'd be more than happy to talk to you about it. He loves the idea of health and nutrition as well.

It is a little on the pricey side somewhat, especially when you get into the bigger deals they got going on right now, but I'll be honest with you, after trying this bag I will probably go back and order a second bag from J-Boom if this continues to taste as good as it is. Flavor with nutritious results IS possible, and this is one of those proofs.

Thanks J-Boom, always keep in touch. I'll see you around at Karaoke. Akuna Matata.

 

Here is some of J-Booms information for you if you are interested. Again, he's just like me, only older, and is happy to chit chat about anything, and loves health and being healthy. If you plan on ordering anything from Vi-shake, contact Jason about it. He does profit from your orders and it's always good to help the little man out.

Personal blog - http://www.jasonlegaard.com

Youtube videos and video blog - http://www.youtube.com/user/jasonlegaard

Vi-Shake - http://www.bodybyvishake.com/

Update: Tomorrow I am going to post the second part of 4 to my very short tale of Drave. If you haven't read it, it is here, or in February. I never got feedback, but I assume people read it, so I'll post part two for people's enjoyment.

~Just a thought

“Every day you have the opportunity to learn and experience some-thing and some-one new. Seize the opportunity. Learn and experience everything you can, and use it to change the world.” - Rodney Williams

Promise fulfilled.

So, I'm fashionably late for my post, but I made it.
Unfortunately, it isn't gonna be the actual post I had planned on writing, because I have someone to add to my list of "Who made me" blog that is still a part of this blog. But this is another musing that I am doing instead. But don't worry, the next two to three weeks I have several (four) posts I plan to do.
.......... I completely forgot what I was going to write about. Swear to the holy. <- Why not talk about religion?

I am one of those hipsters who say they are spiritual but not religious.

I was raised in a Christian household and at the beginning of my life we went almost every Sunday. When we found a church we enjoyed, my siblings and I attended Sunday School. My brother Jeremy was baptized, and later my sister and myself were baptized by our favorite pastor named Aaron at that church. Eventually we stopped going. Why? I really dunno, I was a kid at the time, but I can only guess it is because of my and my siblings bickering and complaining about losing two and a half hours of our weekend. We bickered a lot.
(I remembered what I was going to write up above^, but let's keep going with this.) So we stopped going around age 13.

When I was fourteen, my parents divorced. With my very strong household shaken so suddenly, I turned to something, the Bible. I remember talking to my pastor named Jeremy Mustard and he didn't really know how to respond to "Where do I begin?" when I asked him. He told me the New Testament, so I started, and I read it like a book. Just page after page. I took it with me places that had a waiting room and just read. I'm sure I got looks, but I didn't care. I can honestly say I have read most of the Bible. Mostly New Testament, and then my favorite stories of the Old Testament (The stories of Noah, Job, Moses, etc) I must have skipped a few of the books in the New Testament, I know I've read Revelations, but I think I would remember finishing the entire New Testament entirely.... I'm getting off track.
--I switched Bibles at one point from a plain "Holy Bible" that you find in Hotels to my Student Bible. It had an index of topics to read about. So I looked up every section of divorce and read that too. It comforted me in having knowledge of it and I took in comfort from God and Christianity. I asked my dad more than once for rides to churches that I was trying out, went to camp with one after just two days of being reacquainted there, met Austin, Corbin, and Jordan, all of whom I no longer speak to unfortunately. Eventually I found one with a friend Aleah who's father was the minister. Joined that Sunday School too. I brought many friends and went every Sunday and Wednesday night. This was all between the ages of 14-16, before my license. So what happened you ask? Well, to be completely honest with you, I was kind of tired of always putting God first and giving him all of the credit... Sounds selfish right? I mean I definitely turned to him when I needed, and the whole religion and religious experience help me through turmoil... But to this day I think that is what he, God, wants.

----Before continuing, I have tried to make this as neutral as possible, so if I offend anyone, I am very sorry. Any debated comments will be read but ignored. Thank you.

I personally think God isn't Sexist, Racist, or Prejudice  in any way. He loves us the way the Bible describes, as his children. If you want a different perspective, look at the way you look at animals, all of them are beautiful and unique.
That being said, I don't think religion matters. I don't think God cares if you call him God, or Allah, or YAHWEH, Shiva, or any other who may have some type of religious deity that doesn't have to do with human sacrifice or pain.
I think that if you are a good person, and love people the way he does, he couldn't deny you into heaven. Why would he?
Let me give you two men.  They work hard, pray every day, love their wives and children, treats themselves well and treats people around them with respect. One is Islam, one is Christian.
What makes one better than the other? Do you really think God cares about one more than the other? Accept one into heaven while denying the other? I certainly don't.
Time to make it slightly more interesting...
 Let me give you two men.  They work hard, pray every day, treats themselves well and treats people around them with respect. One has a husband and one has a wife. I still don't think that God cares about one over the other. I still can't believe an all knowing, all forgiving, all loving being would deny the homosexual over the hetero. And no, I don't care what your Bible or Koran say. If they bash being gay or lesbian, than they are wrong. <Funny thing, BTW, they say very, VERY similar things in the books. If your Christian, read the Koran, if you are Muslim, read the Bible, and then be friends.>

I love people. I love the interaction, the rational decision versus the irrational emotion. I love brainstorming, I like how best friends become twins, and how strangers fall in love. I love the eyes. You can see right into someone's soul and learn all about their feelings in an instant when you look in the eyes. Least I can, I dunno about you.

I would never abandon someone based off their age, sex, sexual orientation, disfigurement, religion or what they think about me. And I don't think God would either.
It's what they do that matters. What they do in the world. Whether their spirit is of good or evil.
I could be wrong and I am fine with it if I am. But People are worth fighting for and I will forever fight for good people, so long as they are worth defending.
If the Christian religion is right, and judgement day comes and all of the Christians disappear into heaven, I will be happy to dine with the Muslims.
If Islam is the right way to go, and everyone praying to Mecca, with the women wearing their hijabs get sent off to the Pearly Gates to be greeted by Allah then I'll be more than happy to sit and dine with the Christians.

And yes, it'll be worth it, for all eternity.

~Just a thought.

To err is human - but it feels divine. - Mae West

It is because humanity has never known where it was going that it has been able to find its way. - Oscar Wilde

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
Anne Frank

The measure of mental health is the disposition to find good everywhere. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A mere month.

I promise that I hadn't planned on leaving my blog alone for a month, for those who enjoy reading my rants about my life, I sincerely apologize. The good news is I have stuff to share, along with another post I am going to write later and post in about a week or two I think. So everyone will have a more regular dose of Justathought this month of May.

SO - It's been a month. If you are curious, I had put my computer back together and had it up for a while because I was Skyping my friend in MN, when I noticed I was being lazy again about a week ago, I shut it off. It's still hooked UP, but shut down all the same.

Good news is is that despite being somewhat lazy on the computer I have yet to purchase fast food. I bought Subway once, some frozen yogurt, and Chipotle, none of which really count in my book. If you disagree, do so silently. I had soda with these purchases, but other than going out with friends, my soda and caffeine intake has been an all time low.

I have purchased a blender!! I don't think you understand how ecstatic I am about having this wonderful thing. I was walking around in Wal-mart with my friends Janet and Jake and we were looking for shot glasses and happened to pass by the blenders and the recommended me one. It looks like a smaller version than the one my friends Amy and Ray let me use, so I bought it.

MmmMmm GOOD.

I have only made a few shakes/smoothies so far, and it kinda bums me out I can still taste the whey protein with the fruit/veggies I threw in it, but for a protein shake it is DAMN good. If that is my only complaint, then trust me they are awesome shakes. At least in my opinion. I have been eating one every morning since I got it hooked up, which had been a few days after the purchase. The veggies and fruit in my fridge won't be spoiling anymore, that's for certain.

Going along with being healthier, I have been heading to the gym on a semi-regular basis, and my friend Amanda invited me camping with her and her friends and it was a blast. Amanda started a health kick kinda with me, she's been my semi-regular gym partner, and we definitely encourage each other to be healthier. She is also into hiking. And when I say hiking people, I mean some serious hiking business. She made me promise to go to the Grand Canyon to hike the 9.5mi hike in September... So say your goodbyes now, because that's the day I die.

Anyway, back on track here, she invited me to go camping. I went, knowing full and well that she had SOME type of hike planned. She didn't really, but that didn't stop her from finding one. Now people, she found one when we were in the middle of no where, with no cell phone signal, and no one else around but the six of us within a 5 mile radius. She found one, well, a walk anyway. We drive to this lake, and she just suggested we walk around. Thinking that it was rather a small lake, I accepted. People. I was wrong.
 4.5 MILES later I'm walking back up to my Charger thinking I just wanna pass out. But I needed to head into Winslow and buy a sweater. So I park nearby what looks to be a popular location (for Winslow) and get out and walk around... 2 MILES later I have a sweater and beanie. So 6.5 miles walked within about a 4 hour time frame. I know to some of you that isn't a HUGE deal, but for me, WHEW! Didn't know I had it in me. Without my friend Amanda pushing me to keep going around the damn forever-lake, I would have turned around before I reached three miles. But we did it and it was fun.

Time for recap...
My New Years Resolutions were:
Eat Better.
Lose Weight.
Budget.

Well, Clearly I'm eating healthier now that my computer has been off. What hasn't been documented is that I am down like... 15lbs. I've been told not to really keep score, because the muscle mass I plan to build will weigh more in the long run, but it is slightly encouraging none the less. I've been to a thin 210 and a sexy 225 in high school, so that's kinda my goal. I started at 275 or a bit more. Last I checked, sans shoes, I was 260. I'll continue to keep you updated as time goes along.

Budgeting... Yeah, that's for... Later... In the New Year... Yeah....

So that's the update on my life, sticking to the guns, Being healthy and making smoothies. One day I'll have the body I want. And that day will be a good day.

Rocky Balboa: What's so crazy about standing toe to toe with someone saying "I am"?
Rocky Balboa (2006)

A mere week.

It's been a week since I tore down my computer rig, boxed up the cables and moved them and the tower to my closet. I can tell you I've thought about putting it back up once, but ultimately chose not too.

And how was it you ask? At first, quiet, very quiet. Then very, very refreshing.

At first it was very quiet, I couldn't sleep very well because of it, but I had a small fan that was on top of one of my boxes; I hooked that up and aimed it at my bed, Just a bit cooler and the noise was just about the same. Win-win. Since then I have turned off the fan and enjoy the stillness of my room.

 So what have I done? Well, for starters, I finished a book that I have had for a little over a month and never got around to reading. What might baffle you is that I have always, always wanted to read this series since it's 8th book caught my eye. I borrowed it from a friend and it sat there. Well, no computer and a full day to waste, I read. And read, and read. I finished it that day. I really can't wait till I can borrow the second book.

I was also just about caught up with my articles to read in my e-mail, but I got sick (as I'm sure you are aware) and didn't check my mail for a few days... They send me about 3 a day minimum, so I'm a bit behind now.

I have scrubbed the floors again thanks to my wonderful dog Joey who needs to be neutered now that he has impregnated more bitches than he would care to admit to me, (He used to be a stud dog till I got him, in which my ex Ace got her dog preggo too.) But the scrubbing has been working well and the stairs are the biggest concern now. He's no longer allowed upstairs either. :)

I have picked up my bathroom and cleaned out my car.. I now do push ups randomly throughout the day, just PLOP and do a set. It's easy.

I was hoping to brag that I fixed my curtain this week as well, (Linux knocked it down tearing the mounting piece off the wall) but I cannot. I have fixed the hole with stucco and it's all good to go, but I need a drill and a few screws I have yet to steal from my dad. I'm probably going to do that tomorrow after shopping for groceries but before sleeping.

Speaking of groceries... This is the next step of "Time without my computer". I'm kinda excited and nervous about it.
I have been known to purchase groceries and then let them sit in there while I run out and grab a burger. BUT, without the PC to kill my time before I rush away, I am hopeful this will be different. I'm still gonna purchase all fresh veggies and fruits and food I need to cook rather than heat up, and just see if this extra time can be put toward my diet that I want as my lifestyle change. The exception is Mac N cheese.. because, let's face it, Mac N Cheese is fantastic. And bread, because I like bread and sandwiches.

I was thinking about purchasing eggs as well... But I think I'd 'make more french toast than hard boil them or make actual scrambled eggs. But, they're cheap, maybe I will - Hard boiled eggs are great for protein.

But, I am gonna take some time and make a small area in my backyard that I can level and throw the grill on. Least that's my plan, Dunno how well it will work out, because I don't have any wood or a shovel.. But hey, who knows?

Overall, pretty great results so far. Admittedly I have watched Netflix on my phone just a bit more, like when I'm eating breakfast since that's what I did on my computer during meal time, but it'll probably change around to reading e-mails.

How was your week?

~Just a thought.
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

An epiphany of sorts.

e·piph·a·ny
1. A sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality oressential meaning of something, usually initiated by somesimple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

I went and met my friend Megan for breakfast the other day. Her and I hit up McDonald's, as it is cheap and I don't like their breakfast, so my spending is $2 on a drink and hashbrown. I get their early since I was at work, and I proceeded to bring in my laptop from work, because I have been meaning to do some productive work, and why not do it there? Free Wi-fi anyway. So I load up, browse CareerBuilder and Craigslist for jobs, a few potentials. In case you didn't know, I've been looking for a second job, preferably part time, but full time is looking for promising. Anyway, so I do that, read a couple articles that I have flagged from LifeHacker and Gizmodo send me that I would find interesting. She shows up, have a great laugh, she gets a business card from a creeper who is failing at his own career (it sounds mean, but he was a joke in my opinion.) We had fun and she went off to something she had going on and I end up mailing myself these potential job choices to review when I get home then I drove home.

I haven't touched those e-mails since.

..... So I am lazy. I know this, those who know me know this, those who have read my blog know this. I have started as many diets on HERE than I ever have. I've been motivated and unmotivated so many times I really think it is a syndrome. Not depression or Bi-polar, mind you, but laziness-syndrome.

I have always been frustrated as to WHY. The WHY that made me lazy. I've tried many things, but the only conclusion I could come up with was that I had Willpower before, and now I don't.

But that couldn't have been the case when I was at McD's right? At first I thought it was because I was on my work computer and there isn't anything better to do, but I think that's the point. I never really understood why people go to Starbucks and sit there on their computer for hours. For some reason I thought they just didn't have internet at home, which is probably true for a few, but being at Starbucks, or McD's, or OUT of the house gets rid of the distractions. I was amazingly productive when I was at McD's just waiting for Megan.

So again, I ask myself WHY am I lazy at home? I finally believe it to be my computer... My room is designed for no laziness except my computer! My alarm clock and closet are the farthest away from my bed as possible, I have work out equipment on both sides, a calendar that says "10 PUSH UPS AND 50 SITUPS EVERY MORNING) on my wall... But I sit here on my computer and do NOTHING for hours on end. Seriously... A part of me aches when I am on my computer browsing old comic strips looking back at my unfolded laundry, I find folding very therapeutic and lets me think, but I accept it sits in my basket. From my computer desk I also look at my push-up bar, in which is laying against my wall, KNOWING that doing ten push-ups and twenty crunches would take less than 10 minutes, 15 if I pushed myself. Then, when I get hungry, I look downstairs from my chair, complaining cause I am hungry and I want to cook something, but have nothing in the cupboard. Now I'm thinking which fast food joint sounds good, and then start scouring Facebook for someone to go with me so I have the excuse to go to Burger King instead of Wal-mart. If I can't find anyone, I head to fast food anyway, then just head to my dads. Company is always present there.

Even on the computer itself I can't seem to do productive work. Facebook is always up, so are my comic strips I read regularly, Gmail, and then your selection of Youtube/Hulu/Netflix/Escapist or porn. That is what I do on my computer at home. This PC is just not being used for any productive work anymore. I don't have Photoshop, nor do I write while I'm here.

That being said... I have decided to take my computer rig down. I mean, I don't even play video games on it anymore. I have a list that I have purchased, but not played. I just don't do it really. So I am going to unplug it and move it to my closet. I think the only reasons to bring it out is if for some reason I have friends who want to play a multiplayer game (SC2, LFD2, and Minecraft). Or if I have arranged Skype time with friends from around the world.

I have Facebook at work and on my phone. I have my work laptop when I quickly need to get online for something important. But this whole wasting of my day needs to stop.
So I am an IT guy without a computer.

I think I am going to take a day or two out of the week to visit various Starbucks's and do work on my laptop for myself. Maybe right after I hit up the gym, which is sporadic, but I do go. Drink a nice tea or something.

I also plan on hanging my dogs leashes on my walls to get me to go more. I used to love taking them for walks. I leave their leashes in my car normally, I tell myself it's because when they get IN my car I want to make sure I have them. Unfortunately, out of sight out of mind works that way too, and if it isn't RIGHT there for me to grab, my computer just looks far more comfier.

Even IF my laziness turns into just a lot of reading from my unfinished books or Gizmodo off my phone, that is a win for me.

That's the latest updates I want to share today. Have a good one, and always find a way to better your life. You only got one.
~Just a thought

Drave the Cowboy - Part 1.

This is the first part of three. I think three... Maybe four. Depends on how I feel it is going.
Please let me know what you think via FB, Gmail, or just comment. I want to know whether or not people enjoyed it.

             Quick shout out to my friend Amanda, who I send most of my stories to first. She always has some type of feedback for me and reminds me and encourages me to finish the stories. You are awesome.

“My name is Drave. I am a demon hunter. My profession has blessed me with nicknames like Grave or Raven depending on what part of the world I am in. I have done this a long time and have killed many demons, spirits, ghosts, and other things that hide in your closet during bedtime. Some of those things hold grudges, and just like you and me, they talk. They know who I am and I am slowly becoming the hunted. Least, that’s how it was heading, until tonight. Tonight I retire.

                I always carry three revolvers with me. Eighteen shots. I’ve only ever needed more once. Tonight will be no different. A revolver in each holster and the third in the back of my jeans. All three guns and ammo have been blessed by a nun or monk. The one in back holds special bullets, silver bullets. The other twelve shots are just lead with crosses etched in them. Cheaper that way.

                I am protected by my long coat, which is layered with steel slabs ringed together. My collared shirt also has a layer of steel chain, though most demons cut right through it. Trust me, I have the scars. But tonight that will change. Again, after tonight, I retire.

                See over there just across the way? The moon’s glow and the sunset’s light will touch there, and a magical door will appear. A door no one should ever enter. But I will. It only happens when the moon is full on the 15^th of February. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know. Probably some long past reason. Doesn’t make it any less true and any less dangerous.

                After tonight I retire from hunting, and I shall no longer be hunted. That is a time I look forward to. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, though, because I know you don’t care. You are like everyone else in the bar behind me, but I appreciate you listening… How old are you again?”

The little blonde boy shook his hair out of his eyes petting his brown puppy, “Seven.” He said smiling bringing up his fingers to match the word, “I’m Zane, this is Marcus, and you’re Drave the cowboy.” Zane said pointing at Drave’s hat lying next to them. The puppy rolled off his master and pounced into the dirt road. Zane squealed with joy and chased after him.

                Drave looked at his black hiking boots, faded gray jeans, belt buckle, collared shirt, coat, and hat, “I suppose your right.” He said to himself, “Drave the cowboy, haven’t heard that one before.” He took a swig of his whiskey bottle he kept in his coat’s pocket. He donned on his hat and stood as Zane’s mother called out to the boy. Zane and his puppy Marcus ran toward the calling.

“You’re the reason I’ve done this for so long.”

Drave took another swig of his bottle, set it down on the steps of the bar. He stood and slowly walked toward the sunset.

What a way to start the year.

So I've always believed in appreciating everything about every day. It allows me to smell the roses, and, after publicly stating (aka, FB post) I enjoy things, people tend to remind me how lucky I am. I planned on re-posting my days on here, but I am kinda assuming that if you read my blog, you have me on Facebook. That being said, this past week has been full to the brink, the weekend even more so. And I got in a full dose of family, new friends, and old friends.

Now, I have actually been sent messages of concern because of the last bit on my latest post that I did. Other... Things have transpired in my life recently that has kept me down secretly, but you will probably never know those unless something big happens... And I appreciate the concerns, and, to those who have asked, I have told. Furthermore, rest assured that that fear has gone away.

Now, if you have been reading my blog since my posts about friends, you will understand this completely. If you haven't, I suggest you take the time to read it because this post won't make too much sense without it. Here is your bookmark.

.......

K. So, as you know, I have had this dilemma as to whether or not let friends go. Length of time over quality of friendship. Just to take them off the best friend mentality pedestal and leave them be. Just try to forget them as they have obviously shown we aren't as close as we once were. This constantly bothers me, and I fear that me trying to stay within their lives is just desperate. That "low point" in my previous post, kind set that in stone for me (no matter how temporary.)

I had a concerned friend talk to me about an invitation, well, lack of one. They had been told by Donna and Daniel that I wasn't invited (my name specifically) to their New Years party. Being a friend that they were to me, and knowing Daniel's and my relationship, brought it up to me. I was surprised as they (the friend) were, and my mind reeled at what I could have done to not be invited.

Being Daniel's and Donna's friend for so long, I could only think that it was A) I was their only single friend, and B) my posts about friendship bothered them. They had never brought up these reasons of concern to me, but those two reasons were the only ones that seemed logical.

Anyway, it wasn't either of those reasons. And the actual reason (which won't be posted here) was a pretty serious one that I had taken as a joke for a long time. I am still a little upset that Daniel couldn't come to me with the actual issue in the first place, but I digress.

And, because we don't express ourselves well in person. I am sorry Donna.

Back on topic - During that New year's Eve party, Daniel proposed to Donna.

Needless to say, I was upset. For more than one reason.

Saturday, Daniel texts me:
D:"You busy Monday?"
B:"No, why what's up?"
D:"Goda talk"
B:"I'm guessing it's important"
D:"Yeah, kinda. Bosa at 9am?"
B:"Sure."

At this point, I am thinking that it is time to either hear an apology from someone who I've never known to apologize, or to start an argument and officially lose a best friend forever. Honestly, I prepared for the latter. I hadn't said some nice stuff about him, and he surely didn't seem to want me around for important events in his life.

We get there, we don't hug, which we normally do, and sit down. We catch up a little bit on our lives, him recounting my posts of my super busy weekend and him having less of a busy one. We talk about the actual reason behind the lack of invitation. His feelings toward his engagement and what happened that night at the party. We also talk about Will and how it has been a year, but doesn't really feel like it. Then I ask him the big question.

"What is this about."

He then proceeds to say that Donna asked to be there when he told me, and that she gets on lunch soon. I didn't really like this idea, because Daniel and I can be straight up and honest with each other if things got bad. But with Donna there.. Well, we have an audience. And we act different around audiences. He's sarcastic and pretends not to care about anything, his way of showing he's strong. And I? I remain collected, calm, and pretend everything was expected. My way of showing I'm strong. We completely shut are emotions away, and always say stuff we don't mean. So audiences tend to make matters worse in my opinion. But, it IS his fiance, and maybe she wanted to say something too.

We head over to the Wendy's near her work, we get their, Donna orders, and we sit down. Daniel recounts the engagement, and their different options in planning the wedding. So I look at them again, and say, "What is this all about?" To be honest, at that point, I was just waiting for them to say something along the lines of 'We don't want you at the wedding.' Which would have hurt, but always prepare for the worst.

Daniel then goes, "If things go the way we really want them to go, I don't think you being just the best man would be appropriate for what we've been through. Instead, Donna and I talked about it, and I, we, would like you to marry us."

My eyes go big, mouth falls. Then him and I start to laugh. See, Daniel and I used to watch a LOT of FRIENDS growing up. And in the show, when Chandler gets married, he has his best friend Joey marry them, and Ross, another best friend, is Chandler's best man. This scene goes through both of our heads, and Daniel goes, "I would have had Will be my best man if he was here." and I understood.
I then turn to Donna, who I always get mixed signals from, and ask, "Are you OK with this?"
she looks down at her burger, looks up, smiles, and says "It was my idea. We want someone who we've known us the longest and we care about."

My heart melted. They are back on their pedestals for me, that's for sure.

Without Will there, Daniel says I may be the best man and ordained minister. Details still need to be hashed out. For example, He may just have me be the best man if they choose to go somewhere that requires their own pastor, but I don't think that will be the case. Also, he may have another one of his friends be the best man if for some reason having one less groomsman on one side becomes an issue.

That was my Monday. How was yours?

 ~Just a thought.


I'm sure all of u know by now how good it is to have friends. Something Ive learned is to never think your friends are just there to pass the time. You have friends for a reason, and as long as u have friends u will always have someone to talk to, someone who will listen to you, someone who will be by your side when your need is at its most. I’ve come to realize that one of the best feelings in the world is to know your friends will stand by your side and stay there no matter how hard of road you take them on. No matter what journey lies ahead of u it's always good to know that you can rely on someones shoulder to be there for you if your first attempts lead you into the dirt. Don't think bigger numbers makes better friends, always have time to make that friend, that best friend, that friend who will stay with you forever and always. 
-Daniel-